Originally published on psychreg.com
For many people, exercise comes with heavy mental or emotional attachments. Maybe it’s used to “make up” for a big meal, or to punish yourself after skipping a few workouts. Maybe it’s something you’ve been told you should do to stay in shape, but not something you ever learned to actually enjoy.
That mindset is more common than you might think. And it’s one of the biggest reasons people struggle to stay consistent.
Harsha Pakhal, a Cleveland-based fitness coach who helps people create sustainable routines that stick, believes that fitness shouldn’t feel like a chore or punishment. “When movement becomes something you do out of guilt, it stops being supportive,” he says. “Real progress occurs when you shift from forcing workouts to choosing them because they feel good.”
Let’s take a closer look at what it means to build a healthy relationship with exercise and how doing so can transform the way you move, feel, and live.
Why Using Exercise as Punishment Doesn’t Work
At some point, many of us were taught to see exercise as a way to “balance the scales.” You overeat on the weekend, so you add a few extra miles to your Monday run. You miss a few days at the gym, so you go twice in one day to “make up for it.” This kind of thinking is rooted in shame, and it turns movement into a form of repayment rather than self-respect.
But here’s the problem: When exercise is driven by guilt, it’s much harder to sustain. You don’t build consistency—you build resentment. You’re more likely to skip workouts altogether because they’ve become emotionally exhausting. And ironically, those intense, guilt-driven efforts often lead to burnout, injury, or even giving up entirely.
As Harsha notes, fitness shouldn’t be a form of self-punishment. It should be a tool for self-support.
Movement as Self-Care, Not Self-Correction
So, what does it look like to reframe your relationship with exercise?
It starts by viewing movement as an act of care. That means choosing workouts because they improve your mood, boost your energy, reduce stress, or help you feel stronger, not because you’re trying to fix something about yourself.
This approach doesn’t just benefit your body; it’s also good for your mind. Regular physical activity has been shown to improve sleep, enhance focus, regulate mood, and lower symptoms of anxiety and depression. But to access those benefits consistently, the key is to make exercise something you want to do, not something you feel forced into.
When Harsha Pakhal works with clients, he helps them find types of movement that feel good. For some, that means strength training. For others, it might be walking, dancing, swimming, or mobility exercises. It doesn’t need to be trendy or intense; it just needs to feel right for you.
Signs You’re Building a Healthier Fitness Mindset
So, how do you know if you’re developing a healthier relationship with movement? Here are a few signs:
- You look forward to your workouts—or at least don’t dread them.
- You’re more attuned to what your body needs, and you honor those needs.
- You’re able to rest without guilt.
- You measure success by how you feel, not just how you look.
- You find yourself being more consistent, not because of pressure, but because the routine fits your life.
These shifts might seem small, but they’re powerful. They mean you’re moving from an external motivation (“I have to do this”) to an internal one (“I get to do this”). That’s where real change begins.
Coaching in Real Life: Letting Go of Guilt, Choosing Consistency
Harsha Pakhal often sees this transformation in his coaching. One client came to him feeling stuck. She was running long distances several times a week, but she dreaded every session. After working together, she began incorporating walking, stretching, and strength training into her routine. Not only did her consistency improve, but her stress levels dropped, and she reported sleeping better.
Another client had spent years using cardio as a way to “burn off” food. By shifting the focus to how movement supported her mental clarity, she found herself enjoying workouts for the first time in years. And that change lasted because it was grounded in care, not control.
These are the kinds of mindset shifts that turn a short-term routine into a long-term lifestyle.
How to Begin Rebuilding Your Relationship with Exercise
If you’re ready to move away from guilt and toward growth, Harsha recommends you start by letting go of the all-or-nothing mindset. You don’t need a perfect plan. You don’t need to “earn” your workouts. And you certainly don’t need to punish yourself for being human.
Instead, focus on small, sustainable choices that feel good in your body. Choose forms of movement you actually enjoy. Set goals around how you want to feel, not just what you want to change. Give yourself permission to rest, and know that rest is part of the process, not a break from it.
Most importantly, speak to yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you’d give a friend. That’s where true progress begins.
Final Thoughts: Progress Comes from Compassion
At the heart of it all, fitness isn’t about perfection. It’s not about doing more or working harder and faster. It’s about building a relationship with movement that supports your body, mind, and spirit.
As Harsha Pakhal puts it: “When you stop using exercise to punish yourself and start using it to care for yourself, everything changes. You feel better. You move better. And you start showing up for yourself in ways that last.”
The next time you think about your fitness routine, ask yourself: Am I doing this out of pressure or out of care? One will burn you out; the other will build you up.
Choose care. That’s where real progress lives.